


I knew who I was this morning, but I've changed a few times since then

by AYeti



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Fake Science, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, I EXPLAINED IT AS WELL AS I COULD OK, I mean, Idiots in Love, but Kara does go to an alternate universe, but obviously there's no 'solution' to the equation, even tho Lena finds one in this fic, i did research about the multiverse theory, it's not an AU fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:13:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29050449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AYeti/pseuds/AYeti
Summary: Kara flies through an anomalistic wormhole and switches places with that world’s version of Supergirl.The only thing different is that the city is a perfect mirror image of itself. Oh, and the fact that she and Mirror Lena are married!Meanwhile, Lena is still isolating herself behind metaphorical walls, and she and Kara are not speaking to each other outside of work. When Kara struts into L-Corp as if nothing is wrong, carrying a bag of Dublin's finest scones, and Kara asks why the city is backwards, what will Lena believe?How will everyone get back to their own worlds, and will they even want to?
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 43
Kudos: 222





	1. Through the Looking Glass

**Author's Note:**

> this has been in my head for a while, and I love it. Fair warning, I have no update schedule in mind but I need space in my docs folder so I'm posting it. :P  
> Four chapters is an estimate and subject to change.

**KARA:**

So what if their friendship is more rigid than it used to be. At least they have one now. 

Sort of. 

Their secrets waged war over their relationship, it has become a lot less complicated as a result. 

Less complicated because Kara doesn’t have to hide, and because she and Lena don’t know how to talk to each other unless there’s an emergency. They only talk at work, and _about_ work. Their friendship has never been easier. 

Kara sighs.

Lena, at least, is more open with her work now that Kara doesn’t have to hide her scientific mind. 

It’s awkward and stilted but Kara’s hopeful. 

She has to be hopeful. She’s the Girl of Steel and she’s sure she and Lena will get back to normal someday. 

Even if there’s no end to the awkwardness in sight. 

Even if every one of their interactions is shrouded in their betrayal of each other. 

Kara will hope for a better tomorrow for the rest of her life.

Kara makes lazy loops around National City, the sun rising in the east and casting light onto the lake in the middle of her favourite park. 

The wind whips at her face and she takes a deep breath, eager to start her day when she sees a spark of white light out of the corner of her eye. Curious, Kara flies toward where it was, but as she approaches the spark returns bigger and closer, growing into a glossy film and she can see herself on its surface, but she’s flying too fast to stop. 

Kara winces, closing her eyes as she waits for an impact that does not come. 

Opening one eye to survey the damage, Kara can see the spark is gone again. 

Maybe she missed it? 

She frowns and raises a hand to alert the DEO of an anomaly, and her eyes widen as she gazes over the vast expanse of city below her. 

It’s National City, of which Kara has no doubt. She recognizes CatCo, L-Corp, her favourite hotdog stand where Alonso is drawing a happy face made of ketchup onto a burger patty, and all the sounds and smells are a replica.

Except everything is a mirror image. The world is flipped.

The sun rises in the west, throwing sunbeams onto the lake in Kara’s favourite park. 

Kara gapes for long moments, wondering what to do.

She has enough experience to know that this isn’t her world or her city, and she doesn’t know if she should try to reach out to the DEO. Would they help? Was this a world where they would hurt her? Did they even exist in this world? 

She has nothing to go on. 

Kara takes several deep breaths, considering the best course of action, and without thinking, she begins to drift toward L-Corp. 

“Oh, shoot!” Kara complains and then corrects her course. She flew in the wrong direction. “Stupid mirror city.” 

She hovers out of sight of Lena’s office to listen, just to be sure. She doesn’t want another run-in with a Metallo-Lena, and she isn’t sure if they’re friends in this world, or if Lena knows Supergirl or Kara _or_ that they’re the same. 

_Kara_ doesn’t even know if they’re the same in this world. 

Geez, she needs to get home, and Lena’s the smartest person she knows. 

Kara tilts her head to the side, zeroing in through the city buzz to focus on Lena’s office. 

“Jess,” Lena says to her intercom. 

“Yes, Miss Luthor?” 

“Can you push my one o’clock? I’ll be late coming back from lunch.” 

“Of course. Should I let Miss Danvers in as soon as she arrives?” 

“Please.” 

Well, at least Lena still has lunch with Kara in this universe. 

That's a good sign, right? 

Kara floats down to the balcony, smiling at the open door. It’s as if Lena is hopeful Kara would show up. That door hasn’t been open to Supergirl for months.

Or, Kara’s version of it, anyway.

As her feet drop to the floor, Lena turns in her desk chair and beams at her, big and dimpled, and Kara’s heart flutters at the sight. Lena's wearing a dark burgundy floral shirt made of silk and black slacks with heels that make Kara wary, and she can fly. 

“Hello, darling,” Lena says as she stands from her desk. Her wavy hair is down, and she looks so happy, so light as she walks toward Kara with a teasing grin. Lena looks more at ease in this world; the way she looks when she’s at home. Or the way she used to look in Kara's home. She’s smiling at Kara with a wry grin and she says, “I thought we’d agreed to stop meeting this way.” 

“Th-this way?” Kara stutters. 

“Yeah. It’s better if people see Kara Danvers use the front door,” Lena explains as she meets Kara in the entryway, wrapping her arms around Kara’s waist and pressing up onto her toes, closing her eyes and- 

“What are you _doing?_ ” Kara cries. She holds her hands up in surrender as if Lena kissing her is a kryptonite plated bullet. She gapes down at Lena, who seems just as confused. 

“Kissing you,” Lena says as if it’s the easiest thing in the world. As if Kara hasn’t longed for it, knowing it would never happen. 

Kara sputters. Lena raises an eyebrow and studies Kara’s blushing face. 

“You can’t just kiss people out of the blue!” Kara chastises. Did friends just go around kissing each other willy-nilly on this earth? 

Lena gazes at Kara for a few moments more and then backs up quickly, hands wrapping around the edge of her desk and reaching for the security buzzer. 

“No, Lena it’s me!” Kara says, waving her hands around. “Well, not _your_ me, but I’m _me!_ Kara Danvers! Your best friend- Kind of! I just, argh!” Kara throws her hands up in the air in frustration, chewing her bottom lip and imploring this Lena to believe her. 

“Explain,” Lena demands. 

“I was patrolling the city, and there was this little spark in the sky like someone was reflecting the sun off a tiny mirror, and I flew towards it, and it got bigger, and the next thing I know the sun rises in the west, L-Corp is on the wrong side of town and everything is a mirror image of my world!” 

Lena stares, processing the information with her brow furrowed, but she pulls her hand away from the security buzzer and Kara breathes a little easier. 

“You… what? Travelled to an alternate universe?” Lena asks. 

“I guess? I mean it could be that, or maybe it’s Mxyzptlk again, but he’s usually more _involved_ when he visits me. Way too involved. He’s an imp from the fifth dimension, and a genuine pain in my… anyway! Not important. I’m here in the wrong world.” 

“That would mean the multiverse is real,” Lena gushes, just a little, and Kara grins at her with a nod. “I mean, I could write essays just about the fundamental physics of it. Or the lack of it. It can’t be properly quantified because it can’t exist within the accepted scientific method. This is just- wow, I’m sorry. Now is probably not a good time to nerd out,” Lena cuts herself off with a shake of the head. 

“Nerd out?” Kara asks with a chuckle. 

“Yeah,” Lena says, but her grin falls away. “Do you… not do that with your Lena?” 

Kara’s heart clenches in her chest. _Her_ Lena? 

“We don’t call it nerding out,” Kara says sheepishly. She doesn’t add that she and her Lena haven’t been talking about science for that long, or that they _only_ talk about science because this Lena is nervously fidgeting with her fingers. Kara tries to lighten the mood instead. “Anyway, this is a perfect time for you to nerd out. You have to help me get home.” 

“Right. Of course,” Lena nods, and then swallows, looking over Kara’s shoulder as if expecting someone else. “Is Kara gone? My Kara, I mean. Is she in your world?” 

“I think so?” Kara tries to ignore the way her guts clench at being referred to as Lena’s. “I think we flew into the light at the same time. I thought it was my reflection, but now I think it was her. Me? Us? Oh, Rao, this is weird.” 

“Good to know every version of you rambles,” Lena quips as she pushes up the sleeve of her shirt, opening the face of her watch and pressing the emergency button there.

But no other Kara arrives.

Kara rubs the back of her neck. Lena’s eyes go soft at that, and she smiles before she turns to her intercom. 

“Jess? Cancel my meetings for the rest of the day. Something’s come up.” 

“I don’t know how many times I have to tell you I do _not_ need to hear about your _long lunches_ with your wife,” is Jess’s good-natured and teasing response, and Kara gapes at the little machine. 

“Wife?” Kara sputters after a tense moment of staring. Her breathing hitches and Lena turns to her with a sheepish smile. Kara’s eyes flicker down to Lena’s left hand, where a silver band rests on her finger, inlaid on the inside with the House of El family crest.

Kara’s eyes start to water, and Lena rushes to comfort her, which only makes Kara feel worse, because _her_ Lena hasn’t looked at her in weeks, and this one looks at her as if Kara is the world. 

“It’s okay, darling,” Lena says as she wraps her arms around Kara’s shoulders. “What’s wrong?” 

“We’re not- My Lena’s not-” Kara shudders a breath and Lena pulls away to look softly up at her. 

“We’re not married?” Lena asks and Kara shakes her head. “What are we?” 

Kara’s face pinches and she takes a deep breath before she says, “We’re nothing. We used to be friends, best friends, and I didn’t tell you that I was Supergirl because I’m a coward, and now you hate me.” 

“I could never-” Lena begins to say, but then her face falls, and her heart rate speeds up. “Will she still help my Kara come home?” 

“My Lena? If she believes your Kara, then yes. Of course,” Kara says. “I’m just not sure if she’ll believe. She doesn’t trust me.” 

“Then I guess we’ll both have to go to your world so I can get my wife back,” Lena says, wiping the tears from Kara’s cheeks as if it was a second thought before pulling her blazer off the back of her desk chair. The chair turns and reveals a framed photograph of Lena and Kara on their wedding day. It’s a candid group photo of all of their friends, but she and Lena only have eyes for each other, smiling together in the middle. Kara’s in a white dress, and Lena’s in a form-fitting three-piece suit that looks almost like silk. 

They’re beautiful, and because Kara likes pain apparently, she asks, “You’d travel to a parallel universe for me?”

Lena levels her with a look so determined, Kara thinks this Lena might have laser vision. “I would do anything for you, Kara. Every version of you should know that.” 

Kara looks down at her boots because she knows it’s true. Lena, her Lena, has done everything for Kara. Bought her a media empire, served cheap potstickers at her fancy galas… killed her own brother (however temporarily). Kara bites her lip, wondering how Lena still helps Supergirl wherever she can. She still goes above and beyond at every opportunity, and Kara takes a deep breath to try to rid herself of the guilt that pools in her stomach like acid. 

She doesn’t deserve Lena’s devotion. 

Lena clears her throat and gestures for Kara to follow, holding out her hand and then thinking better of it. 

Kara longs for the touch but knows better than to believe she’s worthy of it. 

“I miss you,” Kara whispers. “ _My_ you.” 

“You should tell her that,” Lena implores, and grabs Kara’s hand anyway. 

“I don’t think you’d like that very much. You’re _very_ upset with me,” Kara says. 

“But your Lena, she still works with you? Still offers to help you? Builds you suits? Works with Alex and Brainy?” 

Kara nods, but she doesn’t see what that has to do with anything. Lena always helps, no matter what. 

She’s always been that way, long before Kara entered her life. 

“You’re the Girl of Steel, Kara. Your idealistic view of hope, help and compassion for all is, unfortunately for me, very contagious,” Lena says, ducking her head to catch Kara’s eyes and smiling at her. “Make your own hope.” 

Kara chuckles at that. 

Maybe this Lena isn’t so different than Kara’s. 

* * *

**LENA:**

Lena presses her hand to her forehead as the man on the conference call drones on and on, explaining things she already knows to several of her colleagues when the whole thing could have been an email. Why had she agreed to this stupid conference? It’s about budgeting, for God’s sake, and math is so _easy._

Glancing over at the clock on the wall, Lena unmutes herself. 

“I’m hanging up. Send the minute notes to my secretary,” she says before stopping the call. 

Then Lena pauses because she didn’t get breakfast and she’s hungry, but she doesn’t know where to go. She looks over her shoulder out of habit and then shakes her head at herself. 

It’s been months, but she still expects Kara to be hovering above her balcony with a paper bag full of goodness, like a pavlovian dog trained to drool over steak. 

It’s pathetic, and Lena sighs as she considers where to go for breakfast. 

Not Noonan’s. 

Not the little cafe on the other end of the block. 

Not the breakfast place across the street. 

Kara could be at any one of those places, and Lena doesn’t know how to talk to Kara anymore. 

Kara, who had knowingly and unknowingly pressed the buttons of every single trigger and insecurity Lena had, ripped her open from the inside out and left Lena in the middle of the jagged pieces alone. 

Lena’s not blameless, she knows that. 

Just as Kara shouldn’t have kept her secret, Lena should have been honest about a lot of things too. Kara should have been honest about being Supergirl and Lena should have been honest about Sam, about knowing how to make Kryptonite, and Kara should have trusted her not to. Lena should have been honest about the Harun-El, and Kara should have been open with her knowledge from Krypton. 

If they’d both been honest about everything from the start, none of the last year would have happened, and they’d be… 

Happy? Best friends? Lena might still be loving Kara from across coffee tables, and couches and game-boards, existing in the same space, but never truly together? 

Lena doesn’t know if she would wish that upon herself either, but it would be better than what they are now, wouldn’t it? Better than exclusive talk about work and science, and DEO duties. At least she would have Kara in some small way, even if not in the way she wants. 

As if thinking about Kara summons her, Kara Danvers pushes through Lena’s closed office door wearing chinos and a dark blue button-up, carrying a paper bag from Lena’s favourite scone shop in Dublin. 

“Hey, good looking,” Kara says as she saunters across the office, a beaming smile pulling all the sunlight towards her. Lena can only gape as Kara bends down and presses a kiss to the corner of her mouth before dropping the pastry bag on the desk and hopping up beside it. “Do you know why everything is backwards?” 

Kara digs into the food bag as if she hasn’t been absent from Lena’s office for the better part of a year, pulling out a chocolate-covered croissant and chomping into it. 

Flakes of pastry flutter down, and Lena just stares and stares, because surely this can’t be Kara. It _can’t_ be, but the mannerisms are the same. Kara’s humming like she always does when she eats delicious food, and only Kara knows about Lena’s favourite scones, and Kara’s eyebrows are furrowed together as she glances around the office. 

Lena gasps when she sees it. 

Kara’s scar is on the wrong side. 

Lena’s mind runs like an overheated processor as she considers what little facts she has. 

This _is_ Kara, but not the one she knows. This Kara seems to know her though, _quite_ well.

“What do you mean, backwards?” Lena asks, careful because however sure she is that this woman is Kara, it’s not _Kara,_ and Lena can’t trust her. 

“Oh you know, the sun rises in the west usually, but all of a sudden it’s in the east. Everything in the world is backwards. I checked. And then I got you scones because I figured you’d need them if we’re gonna solve this.” 

“You’re joking,” Lena says, because as fast as her brain is, it feels like it’s buffering. “You’re not just another confused clone?” 

“I don’t see what that has to do with anything, and I don’t remember being cloned.”

“Do you _ever_ remember being cloned?” Lena raises an eyebrow and Kara scowls at her. It’s happened an alarming amount of times. 

“I seem to remember a certain wine-induced conversation where you admitted to wishing there were more of me,” Kara says, Leaning down, and Lena presses back into her chair, but Kara pursues anyway, smirking all the while as her breath washes across Lena’s face. 

Lena’s blushing, her face is hot, her chest is hot. The room is hot. Searing. 

But Lena had never told Kara about _those_ particular thoughts. She would remember, wine drunk or not. 

She opens her mouth to deny ever having such fantasies when Kara’s brows furrow, her eyes zeroing in on Lena’s hand. 

“Where’s your ring?” Kara straightens up as she frowns at Lena. 

“What ring?” 

“Um, your _wedding_ ring?” Kara holds up her left hand, showing off a gold band with an oval diamond that Lena would recognize anywhere, but it’s impossible. 

It can’t be her mother’s ring. 

It can’t be the one thing she has left. It's locked in the safe of her penthouse. 

“And you aren’t wearing my necklace,” Kara continues, her frown deepening as she stands up, all familiarity gone to make room for Supergirl’s righteous indignation. 

Lena can only gasp and stare, because Kara only has one necklace, and she _never_ takes it off, but there’s no string to Alura’s heirloom poking from beneath her shirt. 

There’s only a version of Kara that wear’s Lena’s dead mother’s ring. 

“I don’t think this is my National City,” Kara says. “Which means you are not my wife.” 

Lena’s hands grip her armrests in a vice because all the evidence she needs is right in front of her. Proof that somewhere, in some world, she and Kara can love each other and Lena bites her lip to keep her chin from quivering because of course, it would never be _her_ world where Kara loves her back. 

Lena knows she doesn’t deserve it anyway. 

Maybe this is exactly what Lena deserves; evidence of what could have been with assuredness that it will never be her reality. 

Kara’s fingers brush the underside of Lena’s chin, tilting her head up until she looks into soft blue and imploring eyes, and Lena takes a shaky breath at the devotion she recognizes there. 

“I’m glad to know there's a universe out there where I’m happy,” Lena says, a single tear falling down her cheek and Kara’s gaze darkens. 

“Every version of you deserves to be happy,” Kara says, her voice low and gravelly like it gets when she’s ready for a fight. 

Lena chuckles, reaching up to caress Kara’s soft hair because she’s selfish and she can’t help herself, and this Kara reminds Lena so much of the real one, who still has that deep-seated protectiveness over Lena, even after everything she’s done. 

“I have to help you get home, don’t I?” Lena asks. 

Kara nods and says, “If you want I can beat myself up for you before I go. That would be really cool.” 

Lena laughs before she bites her lip, pushing the sleeve of her green blouse up and running her finger over the watch there. 

She flips its face open, pressing the button Kara promised she would always come to, but no other hero arrives. 

“Looks like I’ll have to bring her home first,” Lena says, looking up at the Kara who would never belong to her, not wanting to say goodbye to this perfect version of her favourite person. 


	2. Six Impossible Things Before Breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara and Mirror Lena work together to solve the multiverse theory while Kara tries not to blush too hard at the flirting.  
> Meanwhile, Lena comes to some stark realizations when Mirror Kara opens up about things Kara never told Lena.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope my summaries aren't too confusing. :P It's weird having doubles.  
> The chapter title is once again a Through the Looking-Glass quote, because... well, Kara went through a mirror.

**KARA:**

Lena sens Kara to get a Kara Danvers outfit, but her apartment is occupied by an elderly gay couple snuggling on their couch with their cat as they yell out answers to  _ Jeopardy _ , and though they’re adorable, Kara has no clue where her clothes are. Where does she live in this universe? 

She flies back to L-Corp with a frown, and Lena spins in her chair with an amused grimace. 

“You don’t know where we live, do you?” 

Kara shakes her head and Lena chuckles, giving Kara the address and her keys, making sure Kara knows all six of the security codes so that their house doesn’t automatically call reinforcements from the DEO. 

This Lena is just as cautious as the real one and brainstormed with Alex about what alarm systems might be useful to keep Lena and Kara both safe. Kara x-rays their house and though the shell of it is normal enough (off-white siding with navy blue flower boxes and window shutters to match) the walls of it are reinforced with steel and there are emergency lockdown panels that can slide over all the doors and windows. 

The place looks suited to survive an apocalypse, and Kara gulps, hoping she inputs all the codes correctly.

She does, and it feels weird to unlock the door with a simple key after receiving a retina scan. 

She flicks the light switch on, ridding the room of shadow, and Kara’s breath catches because it’s like a history of her friendship with Lena is on display before her, a museum for what might have been. 

The space is open-concept, light, and airy because Lena’s always been a minimalist, but it’s warmer than Lena’s penthouse. It has none of the lifeless monochrome Lena used to surround herself in. It is undeniably clean but lived in, with teacups beside the sink and sweaters left hanging over stools. It’s decorated in the blues and yellows of Kara’s warm apartment, and the sun filters in through the sheer blinds to nourish the thriving plants. She’s glad to see they chose to keep her comfortable, raggedy blue couch as opposed to Lena’s hard leather one. 

Blankets are folded on the back of it, and all their favourite movies are mixed together in the tv stand, along with a mass of board games. 

There are pictures of the two of them everywhere, along with their friends. There’s even one of Jack and Lena at some sort of gala, looking fresh-faced and ready to take on the world, though Jack’s beard is much less full than it had been as an adult, and Lena’s smile is more subdued. 

Sam and Ruby have matching mischievous grins in the frame next to it, both hugging Lena who fails to cover her smile with a scowl. 

Years of photos line the walls of karaoke Wednesdays, game nights, Brainy and Lena piloting fighting robots, Lena and Alex with several shots of something lined in front of them, Kara and Nia asleep on opposite ends of the couch, and so many photos of all of them together; memories that Kara doesn’t have, yet feel so familiar. 

Kara’s favourite one though is of her and Lena in front of the house. Kara’s carrying Lena in the classing Supergirl hold except Kara is in her white wedding gown and Lena’s head is tilted back in a laugh, still in her tux. 

They look so happy, and Kara longs to share it, to have some small piece of it with  _ her  _ Lena. She wants any part of Lena back, whatever Lena will give her, and looking at the photos, looking at everything that could have been strengthens Kara’s resolve to fix things between them. 

She has to get back to her world, to her Lena, and fight for the happiness they could have together. Lena deserves that much at least, and if there’s any chance at all that her happiness could be with Kara, then she’ll do anything for it. 

Lena is worth it, she’s always been worth it. 

Kara drags a finger across the frame before she x-rays the house to find her clothes. 

It’s about the same as her current wardrobe, if a little snazzier and with a few extra suits and dresses, and her things fill up half of a walk-in closet the size of her old bedroom. Lena’s half still has the tailored suits, the gowns, the silks, and diamonds, but she also has a large portion dedicated to cozy sweaters (mostly Kara’s, even though they share a closet).

Kara shakes her head with a chuckle, slipping into a yellow sundress before her stomach growls. She doesn’t have any cards or money on her, but Kara’s always been a problem solver. She reactivates her suit and flies back to L-Corp (though she pockets a black, plastic card she finds in a purse and makes a stop on the way). 

She walks in through the front door as Kara Danvers this time, glancing anxiously around because she hasn’t been to L-Corp in her world in a while, and Jess would no doubt try to tackle Kara to the ground there, but nobody stops her on her way down to Lena’s personal lab. 

Most people smile and wave, or greet her by name. She gets at least a nod from everyone on her way down to R&D. 

Lena’s muttering to herself under her breath, a rare flyaway escaping her bun where Lena must have tried to run her hands through it. 

“This is fine,” Lena says to herself, sarcasm dripping off of her as she hunches over her desk to scribble into a notebook, several pages of it crumpled around her. There’s a Gameboy Advance beside her, but its insides have been pulled apart, replaced with some sort of machine that leaves lines and calculations flashing across its screen and extends to a little window in the corner of Lena’s laptop. A map of Backwards National City flashes in lights behind it, with a small, purple vortex in the middle. 

Kara clears her throat so she doesn’t scare Lena, holding up a box of mini-donuts. 

“I know there’s  _ technically  _ not allowed to be food in here, but I don’t think these count,” Kara says as she drops the box to Lena’s desk. Lena arches an eyebrow so Kara says, “I mean, they’re  _ mini,  _ Lena. They’re so tiny. They barely count as a donut, you know? So they barely count as food, so I brought them in… and I used one of your credit cards to buy them, but I can totally pay you back when I have any money.” 

Lena laughs as Kara opens the donut box, wiggling her eyebrows as Lena chooses one. 

“Don’t worry about it. One of the many privileges of being married to a billionaire is limitless mini donuts,” Lena says. 

“Many privileges, huh?” Kara says without thinking, and Lena turns toward Kara, her eyes flicking down Kara’s body quickly as she smirks. 

_ “Very _ many,” Lena says, and Kara gulps because  _ how the heck _ did she start flirting with this wrong Lena so easily when she can’t even begin to woo the real one? Kara gapes at Lena’s coy grin, and she recognizes it. Kara has seen that flirtatious grin before,  _ many times,  _ but never had the frame of reference to categorize it as flirtatious until now. 

Lena chuckles at her. “No need to repay  _ me,  _ but if you really want to get even, you could buy some for the Lena in your world when we get you home.” Lena grins, stealing a jelly-filled before winking and turning back to her work. 

Kara’s grip on the lab table tightens as she blushes, and she winces as it begins to crack below her hand. 

Lena smirks, barely glances over at the small cracks but doesn’t comment, and Kara clears her throat. 

“So. What’s this? What are you doing? Why did you demolish a perfectly good Gameboy Advance?” Kara asks before she stuffs her mouth with as many powdered donuts she can fit. 

Lena frowns at the device, saying, “I couldn’t get past the stupid ice world in Mario.”

“So you took it apart?” 

“It was cathartic, and I regret nothing,” Lena says in a way too casual tone, and Kara squints at her.

“You bought a new one already, didn’t you?” 

Lena gazes down at her paperwork, ignoring Kara’s prodding, which makes her laugh. She looks over Lena’s shoulder to the math there, surrounding hastily drawn diagrams of wormholes and spheres, all littered with question marks in Lena’s scrawl. 

“No luck yet?” Kara asks.

Lena sighs as she shakes her head, gesturing to the repurposed Gameboy before she says, “This is triangulating the anomalistic wormhole, and I have measurements for its energy signatures, so I know how much power we’d need, I just can’t figure out how to harness it or connect it to your reality.”

“If anybody can do it, it’s you,” Kara says. “Walk me through what’s wrong?” 

Lena turns on her stool before she holds up a mini-donut in each hand, saying “This donut is my earth, and this one is yours, parallel to each other with particles that vibrate at slightly different frequencies.”

“So the worlds have slightly different physics,” Kara says as she nods along. 

“Yes. So the wormhole you traveled through was some sort of large-scale, cosmic phenomena, as far as I’m aware because there are no other signatures like it across this earth. With this, I can try to safely recreate a replica of the wormhole, but the physics aren’t adding up. I’m missing a part of the equation. I’ve studied this for fun in my spare time, of course, but only from a philosophical standpoint. I never thought I would have to try to make a connection between worlds where there’s no connection otherwise.” 

“So we need a link between the two worlds?” Kara asks.

“Yes.” Lena pops the donuts into her mouth before wiping her hands together. “It’s like I have two empty cups, but there’s no string to connect them so we can communicate.” 

“We need a string?” 

Lena nods again. “I need something from that world to measure.” 

“ _ I’m  _ from that world.” 

“Yes, but I don’t have another you to compare you with, so I can’t calculate the difference in your energies.” 

“So you need two of me?” 

“Two of  _ something.  _ Both worlds need a secure link, something that exists in both worlds, but… I would need two copies here, somehow, just as your Lena would need two copies of something, so we could quantify the difference between them to locate the alternate world. Without a tangible item, I can only hypothesize. The math is too abstract, Kara. I can’t get you home. I can’t _ bring _ you home,” Lena says, her brow furrowing more as she rants on. Her fingers twist in the hem of her lab coat, and Kara reaches to stop the fidgeting. 

“It’ll be okay. I know this is possible, we just have to figure out how.” Kara squeezes Lena’s hands. Lena slumps forward so her forehead rests on Kara’s shoulder, and she mumbles, “I could use a good Danvers’ hug.” 

Kara grins, wrapping her arms around Lena for the first time in too long, squeezing them gently together, until a crackle of energy singes between them, and Lena winces. 

“Ow!” Lena cries, waving away the smoke that escapes from the collar of her shirt. Kara coughs at the smoke that emanates from her own chest, and they both reach into their collars, pulling out identical, smoking necklaces that can’t exist in the same space, but do. 

“A link!” Lena cries, and Kara smiles down at her mother’s necklace. She can’t escape the notion that Alura saved her again, and she beams up at Lena. 

“Guess it’s time to start quantifying,” Kara says, placing her necklace on the table. Lena copies the movement, and the necklaces vibrate beside each other at slightly different speeds. 

“This is amazing,” Lena breathes. 

“ _ You’re  _ amazing, Lena. I think you might have just solved the multiverse theory.” 

Lena grins at her, a proud little smile that makes Kara’s heart flutter. “Now all we can do is hope your Lena will solve it too so we can all get to the right worlds.” 

“She will,” Kara says. She has no doubt. 

* * *

**LENA:**

Lena sends Kara to the DEO to gather as much information about traveling between parallel worlds as she can, with a promise of meeting back up first thing tomorrow. 

She’d texted Alex to inform her of their predicament. Lena just… she needs a moment. 

Somewhere, in some reality, she and Kara had gotten everything right. They’d been honest from the very beginning in the parallel world. Neither of them hid anything, and though Kara gave no details, she said that she’d been married to her Lena for four years. 

“Best four years of my life,” Kara said, playing with the ring on her finger with a gentle smile. 

Lena gulps down a sip of wine as she unlocks the safe in her closet, pulling out her mother’s old, pine-green, velvet ring box and sliding down the wall to sit on the floor. 

It’s not a classic engagement ring. Its delicate band is too thin, and the diamond isn’t the classic engagement cut, oval instead, but it’s the most meaningful thing Lena would have been able to offer. It fits her middle finger and she slides it into place, wondering if her birth mother would be proud of who Lena was. 

Lena hardly remembers her beyond a vague feeling of warmth and home, but she remembers the scones her mother used to make. The scones from that little shop in Dublin aren’t the best Lena has ever had, but they remind Lena of that warmth and she loves them for it. 

More than one version of Kara knows that. How many versions of them are there? How many worlds exist where they’re married? Enemies? Nothing? 

How many Kara’s would bring Lena her favourite scones? 

The Kara here now, she’s done everything right, and Lena is jealous of whatever version of herself was capable of being so open with her. It’s proof she’s made the wrong choices and it stings like the cut of a sharp blade. 

This Kara has done nothing wrong. She never lied, they never betrayed each other, but Lena still pushed her away, and as she sits alone in the closet of her sparse, minimalist penthouse, Lena has to face the fact that a lot of the animosity she’d directed at Kara was really Lena sabotaging herself. 

The admittance feels shameful. It’s a hard truth to confront, but her treatment of this Kara who has done nothing wrong is proof of it, and Lena would be a coward not to accept this truth in the face of the evidence. 

She is a scientist, after all, if a foolish one. 

Lena pushes herself off the floor, wiping her eyes before closing the safe and getting ready for bed. 

When she reenters her bedroom, Kara is floating above the balcony, biting her lip as she gives Lena a nervous wave through the glass. 

Lena opens the door. 

“What’s wrong? Has something happened?” Lena asks. 

Kara tangles her fingers together, looking down at the ground as she says, “We don’t have a house here. There’s just… nothing. It’s not even built yet, so I went to my old apartment, but…” Kara glances up at Lena and quickly away, looking over the city instead. “Maybe I shouldn’t have come.” 

“No,” Lena says as she takes a step forward, raising a hand to Kara’s forearm to stop her from flying off. She’s so tired of watching Kara leave, and she lets out a sigh of relief when Kara’s feet touch down. “No, it’s okay. Tell me what’s wrong.” 

Lena opens the door and Kara flops onto the foot of Lena’s bed with a sigh. 

“I know we’re not married here, but I haven’t been alone in a long time, and I’m not good with change. This planet is not my home. I want to go home, and that’s wherever you are. The Kara here, she’s got so many pictures, so much proof of the love in her life, but she’s still by herself, you know? It just felt like I was surrounded by her desperate clinging to proof that she isn’t alone here, and it made me feel like I was back in my pod in the phantom zone, and I just couldn’t stay there, Lena. I can’t. I don’t want to be alone again,” Kara says, her voice cracking, and Lena sits next to Kara, wrapping her arms around Kara’s shoulders, just as Kara has done for her, so many times. 

“You’re not alone. I’m right here,” Lena says. “I didn’t realize you felt that way. Your apartment always felt so warm to me.” 

“Because we were there together,” Kara whispers, dropping her head to Lena’s shoulder. “The Kara from here is so lost. She… clings to everything so hard she suffocates it. I know she just doesn’t want to suffer more losses, not after Krypton and Jeremiah and Cat, but… she hurt you because she didn’t want to lose you. I don’t think I can forgive her for that, and I wouldn’t expect you to either.” 

Lena inhales a shuddering breath. This Kara is so open about her past and her feelings, and after months and years of hiding things from each other, it feels like Lena is being burnt under a microscope by hidden truths.

“I want to,” Lena whispers. “I want to forgive you.” 

Kara pulls her head from Lena’s shoulder so she can smile at her as she says, “You’ve always been far too good and too brave to make any other choice.” 

“I’m not sure you’ll forgive me. My Kara, I mean,” Lena says with a shake of her head. 

“I can’t imagine a thing you could do that I couldn’t forgive you for as long as you learned from it and tried to be better, and that’s who you are, you know? Always trying to be better. To be good.” 

Lena bites her lip, looking at Kara and wanting to say so much, but it’s not  _ Kara.  _

Still, some practice might help, so Lena sighs and explains everything, from the very beginning. 

She explains the cute, understanding reporter who believed in Lena with reckless abandon, how she couldn’t help but fall in love with Kara’s earnestness or the way she defended Lena against anybody who had a bad word to say, including Lena herself. 

Lena explains how she tried, in the beginning, to make her feelings obvious, but Kara didn't notice or was too polite to turn her down, so Lena settled for longing friendship built on trust and openness; or so she thought. 

Lena explains it all, every destructive thought that passed through her head when she’d found out Kara had been lying the whole time, every horrible intention to expose Supergirl, to use Myriad, to work with Lex, and Kara listens as she rubs Lena’s back. 

Lena rifles through every betrayal, but Kara’s gentle hand only stills when Lena explains how she pretended everything was fine for weeks; how she’d pretended not to know Kara was Supergirl. 

“Oh,” Kara says, her brow furrowing as she considers the words. She’s quick to resume the comforting motions of her hand. “That might take some time to forgive.” 

“The lying?” Lena scoffs. “Hypocritical, don’t you think? And inconsequential in comparison to everything else I tried to do.” 

“No, it’s… the other stuff is fine- well, it's not  _ fine,  _ but you didn’t follow through with it. And it’s not the lying, exactly. It’s just…”

The crinkle in Kara’s brow deepens as she stares at Lena’s floor, and Lena waits for her to get her thoughts together. 

“It would have hurt,” Kara says after several moments of silence. “You pretending everything was fine while I was unaware there was a problem, that would have felt like losing everything all over again.” 

“I don’t understand,” Lena whispers, but her grip around Kara’s shoulders tightens. She hates seeing Kara look so vulnerable. 

“Everyone on Krypton, The Council, my parents, everyone who could have done something to save our world pretended everything was fine. They put out false reports, made us believe things were getting better, letting us live in ignorance with false hope until the very last day when the ground cracked beneath the city and the flames consumed us all. They let their people, their world be destroyed instead of admitting to a problem, instead of fixing it, and you not coming to me right away with a problem? It would remind me of that. It would feel like that.” 

Lena takes a shuddering breath as her hands cling into the material of Kara’s suit. She  _ had  _ wanted to make Kara feel like her world was being destroyed, just as Lena’s had felt, but if Lena had known… She’s not sure if she would have done anything differently, but it stings now like a dull knife twisting in her gut, tearing open wounds that had just begun to heal. 

Kara pulls away, reaching up to stroke Lena’s cheek. 

“It’s not unforgivable, Lena. The goodness in you is as clear as it’s ever been, and if your Kara and I are as similar as you say, I can’t imagine she won’t forgive you. Alex says that forgiveness is something we give ourselves, and I think you need that. I think you need to acknowledge the wrong you’ve done, but you don’t have to let it suffocate you. Forgive  _ yourself,  _ Te El.” 

Tears gather in Lena’s eyes but she doesn’t bother trying to hide them. She swallows the congestion in her throat to ask, “Te El?” 

“My star,” Kara whispers. “My light. My family.” 

And the tears spill onto Lena’s cheeks. 

Kara strokes her face with such soft devotion, and though the missing Kara has never touched Lena in this way, Lena recognizes the look on her face with stark familiarity. 

Kara has looked at Lena like that hundreds of times, over coffee at Noonan’s with the sun shining on them, when they’re losing together at a board game, or when they’re watching a movie and Lena inevitably catches Kara looking at her instead.

Her heart starts to race because this Kara loves Lena, that’s what the look means, but Lena didn’t know that, not until this moment, and she wants so badly for her Kara to be the one there, to be the one who’s holding her. 

But all she has is a replacement, and Lena is missing the history this Kara holds within her. 

Lena has no idea how they got together, how Kara went from a shy, bumbling reporter to the kind, assured woman in front of her. Who initiated their first kiss? Was Kara nervous? Was Lena? She has no idea, and however idealistic this version of Kara is, Lena wants to experience those things with the real Kara. If she can. She wants to be there for every step of anything they could be, regardless of how easy it is to exist in the same space with the version of Kara who has done nothing wrong. 

Lena wants her own Kara, her own history, and her own love. Not some borrowed version of it. She wants to fight for it, and she will. She wants the mistakes they’ve made, because it means they can get through them, it means that they’re stronger. Together. 

Lena traces the symbol on Kara’s chest before reaching up to pull Kara’s hand away from her face. 

When their hands touch, sparks burn into her palm as Lena hisses as she wrenches away. 

The skin surrounding the ring bubbles into a blister where it burned her, and Lena pulls it off. It vibrates slightly in her hand, more and more as she brings it closer to its twin, still smoking on Kara’s finger. 

They are a paradox, and they can’t exist together, but they do, creating energy waves between them, and Lena’s mind races as she watches the connection between them. 

She gasps as she thinks it through, knowing there are two of Alura’s necklaces in the parallel world, and two rings here, an undeniable link between realities that can’t exist, and needs to be fixed. 

“I know how to get you home!” Lena cries, and Kara’s surprise is replaced with a crooked smile. 

“I never doubted you.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope my weird mix of real and Fake Science wasn't too confusing or boring. :P 
> 
> 'Te' is a First-Person Singular possessive, like I, me or my, and 'El' means star. I'm not 100% on the grammar, so I just used English, so My Star = Te El.  
> I really liked that because in Greek, Lena means light, and she's the light of Kara's life (what makes her strong TT-TT) and El is Kara's family name, too, and there's just SO MUCH cuteness in that term of endearment, and I love pain so I included it. 
> 
> So like, obviously I don't speak Kryptonese, but here are the links to my research into the language. 
> 
> Posessives: http://kryptonian.info/doyle/vocabulary/possessives/family.html
> 
> Words: http://theages.superman.nu/Krypton/glossary.php
> 
> Oh, and if you're wondering what the six impossible things are, it's the rings and necklaces (4) and both Kara and Lena realizing that the other might love them back (2).  
> Anyway, always ready to be screamed at in the comments <3

**Author's Note:**

> :D Feel free to let me know what you think!!


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